Kyle and Mark

I have been watching some shows on the Discovery Health channel about obese people.  I am doing this because it makes me feel not as fat simple because these people are from 500lbs to over 1,000lbs!  OMFG these people freak me out!  This also helps motivate me to start working out, simple because I do not want to get that big!  But one of the guys on there told a joke and i love it!  “I am so fat that my friends have to take a bus and 2 trains just to get to my good side!”  ROFLLMFAO!     Ok that is a lot of abbreviation!  Does tha make me a total EMO????

This is the first step. I must know myself, I must accept myself(the good and the bad), I must accept it all. I was told that if you let the chaos take you all the words will come. So deeper down I go. I will return to the light. This is my fight and I will not succumb!

“Someone once told me: To deny youself it so incite only chaos but accepting yourself will bring total peace” I could not be all of these things if I didn’t listen to my own words.

dark, afraid, raped, abused, cold, lonely, shallow, confused, arrogant, remorseful, damned, soulless, enraged, calm, loud, critical, caring, loving, nurturer, rebelling, stupid, inquisitive, tired, bearthless, prepared, fucked up

People at work are concerned about me, I know they care. I accept that they care. Last time I went into the dark, deep into the dark, I didn’t emerge for a while. Well I didn’t know the dark was there then. This was my first time in the dark. When I get home I will put up picture of me in the dark.

I was told by a friend of mine, that I shouldn’t write. That my soul was too pitch, I would scare people. I see that now. But I’m not going to lighten things up, it’s not my purpose here. I use to write songs for a band when I was in Italy, the songs were from the dark. A german metal band used them. I don’t know if they made it big, that wasn’t my concern back then.

I guess I have been typing for a while now. I will go, I am feeling better, my breath isn’t heavy anymore and I am starting to crack a smile. God I’m fucked up(added to list).

We’ve all heard the saying but if it’s true then my box must be all unsweetened. I woke up this morning fine, happy and motivated. Five minutes later I flipped a 180 and I’ve been that way ever since.

Did I dream something that is affecting me? Maybe it was the outpouring I did yesterday. My nature is dark and twisted but my demeanor is light and kind hearted. Can you say I’m fucked in the..

I told my friend Dax something yesterday that only maybe 3 people in the whole world know. I think it was time I took a look back at what fuels me. But maybe I had so much going on I just dragged myself ‘deeper down’(Original Title of this post).

Whatever I causeing this uprising of self loathing and anger I hope it passes.. Wait.. I didn’t mean that. I like how it makes me feel, I feel that I am alive.

I try to avoid confronations as much as possible, but recently people have been putting words in my mouth. I tried to fix it but I gave up yesterday, it’s not my thing to fix. I didn’t break it, I didn’t get it dirty.

[angry rant went here]

NOW IT’S ALL ABOUT ME AND MY REALITY NOW!!!

There are millions of planets revoling around millions of suns revoling around millions of galaxies which are revolving around a single point in the universe. And that point is ME..!

I’m going to start reteaching myself how to be a spiritual warrior again. This is my war and I will WIN!